Navigating situations where those around you are emotionally dysregulated can be deeply challenging. Whether it’s a chaotic family gathering, a stressful workplace, or tense social encounters, our nervous systems naturally mirror others due to an innate human trait called co-regulation. While this mirroring can foster connection, it may also pull you into heightened states of stress or anxiety when others are overwhelmed. The good news? You can learn to maintain your calm and regulate your nervous system, even in the midst of emotional turbulence.
1. Pause and Breathe Deeply
Breathing deeply and consciously is a simple but powerful tool to anchor yourself when others are dysregulated. Slow, deep breaths signal safety to your brain, activating your parasympathetic nervous system — the “rest and digest” mode. When you notice others becoming agitated, try this exercise:
- Breathe in slowly through your nose for four counts.
- Hold for four counts.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for six to eight counts.
Repeat this process for a few cycles. This practice helps you stay grounded and prevents your nervous system from absorbing the chaotic energy around you.
2. Create an Internal Boundary
Setting an internal boundary means visualizing a separation between yourself and the external emotional turmoil. This doesn’t mean ignoring the person or situation but rather choosing not to absorb their emotions. Imagine a protective shield around you that deflects heightened emotions or tension. This mental boundary helps your nervous system distinguish between what belongs to you and what does not, reducing the risk of emotional contagion.
3. Ground Yourself Physically
Engage your senses to ground yourself in the present moment. This might include feeling the texture of an object in your hand, taking a sip of water, noticing the feeling of your feet on the ground, or even naming five things you can see around you. Physical grounding techniques pull your awareness out of emotional reactivity and into a calmer state of being. They allow you to regulate yourself when others’ nervous systems are unpredictable.
4. Use Positive Self-Talk and Affirmations
Our thoughts have a direct impact on our nervous system responses. When surrounded by dysregulated people, silently repeating affirmations or using positive self-talk can anchor you. Remind yourself, “I am safe and in control of my own state” or “I can choose calm despite what is happening around me.” These simple phrases can counteract stress responses triggered by external chaos.
5. Leverage Movement and Release Tension
Sometimes, the body’s response to emotional stress requires movement to release pent-up tension. If possible, step away momentarily to shake out your arms, stretch, or engage in light physical activity. This physical release helps prevent emotional build-up and restores your nervous system’s sense of balance.
6. Seek Out Co-Regulation When Possible
While you may not find co-regulation from those currently dysregulated, seeking support from calm individuals can help stabilize your nervous system. Text a friend, listen to a soothing voice, or even cuddle a pet. These forms of co-regulation foster safety and ease within your system, counteracting external stressors.
7. Develop a Mindfulness Practice
Cultivating mindfulness as a regular practice equips your nervous system with resilience and adaptability. Daily meditation, mindful breathing, or even mindful walks train your body and mind to access a place of calm more readily when stress arises. Over time, your ability to regulate in chaotic environments strengthens.
While you can’t control the emotional state of others, you can control your own reactions. By employing these strategies to regulate your nervous system, you protect your peace and create a ripple effect of calmness, possibly even influencing the collective emotional atmosphere around you. Remember: your well-being is a priority, and cultivating inner regulation in the midst of external chaos is a profound act of self-care.
Lovely Lavender 
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